a.k.a. Hell Mountain, Chained Heat 3: The Horror of Hell Mountain, Chained Heat: The Horror of Hell Mountain

directed by Mike Rohl

Cast: Nicole Nieth, Sarah Douglas, Bentley Mitchum, Jack Scallia, Kate Rodger

A narrator informs us that it’s 50 years after the Apocalypse and there is no hope for the future, there is only now. Scriptwriter Chris Hyde graduates from Chained Heat 2 to the third grade with even more uninspired dialogue. This installment involves a renaissance festival and a smoke machine diffused mountain full of bikers. A disease ridden thug controls the food distribution for a bunch of earth toned peasants. The mayor, who resembles Donald Pleasance, is the middle man in trading the local yokel’s nubile young women for rations of food. It seems these lazy non-farming misfits can’t manage to find a berry in the lush forest around Prague, so they digest some powder the gals mine from rocks inside Hell Mountain?!?. There seems to be a lottery that determines the ladies sent to this large door on the side of a rock, but none of this is really explained and why should it be! This is meant to be late night pay cable stroke fodder for middle aged husbands who can’t keep porn in the house.

Poor Shira (Nicole Nieth) is sold out by her alcoholic mother even though she hasn’t been picked for the lottery. Forced to crawl around with a wedgie and have lesbian threesomes for the enjoyment of the Wardress, she eventually stages a revolution with the help of her distraught boyfriend (Robert Mitchum’s grandson Bentley) and the last teacher on earth. Between the hitler moustache bushes and S&M beatings the film is padded out with some very poorly staged military action scenes that can only be geared towards bow tie wearing Republicans. The production does manage to cast a plethora of attractive strippers and throw them into a 6 minute shower sequence. Unfortunately this doesn’t make up for the snooze inducing pace.

The editing, score, and lack of movement by the actors is so Warholesque you’ll want to shoot meth into your tear ducts. There are different levels of explicitness between the U.K. and North American versions with the North American version containing a rape sequence, a longer S&M scene, an extended lesbian threesome, and the U.K. version having an extra minute of a sex scene with Nieth and Mitchum.